[Personal Log] Valentine's Day

[meimeimechanic]

Valentines day just so happened to also be Kaylee's birthday. She lay in bed for a while just staring upwards. She wasn't exactly sure what she should do. If she should do anything. Things with Simon hadn't really gone anywhere but they'd thankfully not gone backwards. They were still stuck. Fine one moment then he'd go and open his mouth to which the wrong words came out.

Kaylee knew what he was like. Knew that she shouldn't really take offence at whatever he was saying but sometimes it was just hard. Sometimes she knew it was her that made it worse than it was. She looked over at the shelf and saw the books that she'd got for Simon. Maybe it didn't mean that much to him and she should just give him one of them, save the rest for his birthday. Though his birthday was not such a good day to remember. The time they'd all nearly died. She sighed, thinking how great it was to bring that back up.

Finally she sat up. She'd find something better for his birthday. Happier than a few books he might not even like. She got the replicator to make her a nice red ribbon and she tied it around the books. Still in her pajamas's she went to sneak them into his side of their quarters. Maybe she'd be lucky and have missed him going out to the sickbay already.

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[osirian_doctor]

He hasn't gone to the sickbay yet. He's been sitting in his room, staring at the desk in front of him and hoping he did the right thing. What do you get a woman as a romantic gesture on a day that's important to her? Not just Valentine's Day, but her birthday?

He never does seem to manage to make the right gesture. It's ... something he knows is lacking in him, and he knows that's part of why even after so long, things are still not right between him and Kaylee. Still not what he'd wanted.

He's staring at the package, the result of quite some time spent in the bar with the replicators and even talking to the waitstaff, to try to work out what the best fruits would be to give her.

It's quite a large basket of them that he's amassed. Strawberries, of course, because they're her favorites, and even he knows that, but he's found several other types of berries, some of them native to Earth-that-Was and unfamiliar in his time, and some of them from the other worlds that have been discovered in this timeline.

He does, though, have to get going if he has any chance of leaving these for Kaylee before she wakes up. So he stands, takes a deep breath, and picks up the basket to carry it out into the living area.

Where he sees Kaylee, in her pajamas.

"Kaylee!"

[meimeimechanic]

"Simon..." She's not expecting him to be there, so she hides the books behind her back without thinking it through. "I thought you'd already gone." Which she had. Curiosity starts to get the better of her as she sees the basket. Instead of thinking of the obvious that it was for her, she guesses that it's from some grateful new patient on board.

Kaylee pulls the books from behind her back. "I got you a present, but you seem like you got your hands full there, did you save someone all dramatically?"

[osirian_doctor]

"Uh, no. No. I haven't."

Which, really, is obvious from the fact that he's still here, but even since he moved in with Kaylee, he still spends most of his time barely able to think around her, let alone speak.

At least, speak and say anything worth saying, that isn't stumbling over himself.

At first, he doesn't understand the comment about saving people. Confusion shows in a frown that creases the center of his forehead.

"What?" It's only when he looks down, his gaze following hers, that he understands.

"Oh, no. No, Kaylee, this. Uh. It's for you. Because you ..."

He swallows. "Like fruit," he finishes, his voice going quiet.

[meimeimechanic]

Her face went from somewhat confused to a bright smile. "For me?" She looked at the basket. There were things in it she didn't know what they were. "Simon that's..." She was trying to be polite and not just dive in to try as much as she could while offering pieces to him.

She held up her present for him. "I got you books." But they can be held in one hand and all that fruit is just tempting. Kaylee had to try something. New no matter that she saw strawberries. They were for later. She picked something small and took a bite.

Kaylee made a ridiculously happy face. Whatever it was tasted good. "Simon, you have to try this."

[osirian_doctor]

He adores her smile. How frequent it is, how bright, how it seems to light up not just her but where she's standing, too. How she brings so much happiness with her, even when things aren't going well. He needs that light in his world, especially now, when he misses River so much and Kaylee is all he has of his world.

"I wanted to do something. For ... for today."

Not only a day when people celebrate romance, but Kaylee's birthday, too. Of all the days when he should try to do something for her without messing it up, it should be today.

Simon's hands are full when she holds up the books, but he does his best to smile, even if it doesn't last long.

Not until she's taken a fruit from the selection he's holding and bitten into it. It's only then that he really knows he'd chosen the right gift, because she makes the appreciative face she rarely makes for anything except strawberries, and he grins.

"My hands are a little full," he says. "Maybe I should, uh, put this down."

[meimeimechanic]

She started giggling at his revelation on having his hands full.

"Yes you should so you can try this. Hell so we can try all of these. I want to try them all. And there are strawberries!" She hasn't stopped smiling yet. "So you don't have to go anywhere?" She was really hoping he didn't and could spend the day with her. Even if they didn't do anything but sit around and talk and eat the fruit. Kaylee was eyeing up the fruit to make a good dent into the basket. Simon really did pick a very good present for her there.

[osirian_doctor]

"Well, uh, I was going to go to Sickbay, just check in. You know."

He shifts his weight from one side to the other, feeling his words falter and his face heat.

"But - uh - I." Agitated, he steps forward to set the basket down on the table, then brushes his hands nervously down his front. "No, I don't have to. I'm not rostered to be there."

Really, he's not rostered for much of the time he's there, but there's always something to do, patients to see, or simply technology and procedures to try to learn.

Their divergent worlds are very different in very many ways.

[meimeimechanic]

"Well you could stay then?" She looks so hopeful at him. There's a please added there without saying it.

It's not as if most of the folk there don't know of her, she's always stopping by to see if she could get Simon to join her for a meal or come back to their shared quarters. Times like that the ship didn't feel any bigger than Serenity. She knew where he was and how to get there quickly.

"We could go do somethin'. Proper explorin'! Or..." Something he wanted to do. That was her birthday wish. Spending time with him.

[osirian_doctor]

He can feel something heating in his face, even if it might not show in red on his cheeks. Everything between the two of them has been hopelessly hesitant, but that's not for want of desire, or even intention, on Simon's part. It's simple lack of ability. Ability to have a proper conversation with her without it going wrong. Ability to express what he feels, what he hopes, or, more importantly, to act on those feelings.

"Uh."

He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands on his pants.

"I, I could. They'll get by without me." For now, at least. He could stop by later; he'd hate to disappoint that sweet hopefulness in Kaylee's eyes.

His fingers fidget with fabric.

"Uh, what, what would you like to do? There are plenty of things to do here."

[meimeimechanic]

"I..." She had plenty of things she'd like to do. Just that quite a few of them either weren't things he'd want to do, things that were still too awkward to suggest or just things she was more than happy to go about doing on her own. "Not sure, wasn't expecting you t'still be here..."

That maybe sounded worse than she meant it to, but it was the truth and she just expected him to be busy. Kaylee nearly suggested a proper date, or at least a trip to the holodeck.

"What do you want t'do?"

[osirian_doctor]

"Well, we could eat more fruit."

The tentative suggestion was meant to be a joke, but he wasn't sure if it came across that way, though he gave her a hesitant smile as he said it.

That wasn't the important thing. It wasn't, it really wasn't.

"I mean." He reached up a hand and rubbed his ear, trying not to stop and start and 'uh' like he so often did around her. "You wanted me to stay, what, what did you want to do?"

[meimeimechanic]

"I'd kinda want to do that anyway." She'd share the whole basket with him if he wanted. Though the strawberries might be a little hard to fight for. Not that she'd suspect he'd do that.

"Well..." Kaylee moved a little closer to him. "There was one thing I was thinkin' of..." Not so subtle cues weren't working and last time she'd kissed him he had seemed to enjoy it. Then he'd been all proper and gentlemanly letting her cuddles with him as she fell asleep. But he'd not been there when she woke up. That had made her a little sad. As far as she knew she'd not got all handsy in her sleep either.

She smiled brightly at him. Then leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

[osirian_doctor]

"Well, that was kind of the point," he said, and it managed to come off something like light, even though he could feel himself let out another breathily nervous laugh.

His smile flashed only briefly before Kaylee was stepping closer, then it faltered and brightened again.

"Uh."

But before he had the chance to say anything else -- and maybe that was a good thing, the way his heart was suddenly racing -- Kaylee was kissing him. It had been a long time since that last kiss they'd shared, and he'd forgotten. He'd forgotten how soft her lips were, how the feel of them makes him warm and tense and happy all at once.

And he'd wanted her. Wanted this, wanted to get past his own inability to actually say anything right around her and make good on what they both want but can't seem to get to. He wanted that, so much, but how could he begin to say it? He couldn't, so he hadn't, so they'd fallen into the same awkwardness they'd always gotten caught up in.

Not now. Not again. He didn't want that. He wanted this: Kaylee, here with him, and kissing him.

He lifted his hands to her head, cradling her face as he tentatively returned the kiss.

[meimeimechanic]

She slipped her arms around him, one hand on his neck, pulling him in closer to her. Less talking, more kissing was a good thing for her. Kaylee didn't think he was going to go running away from her then so her free hand moved to slip under his shirt.

Kaylee pulled away a little and smiled at him. She wanted to make sure he wanted this, like she did. What she'd been waiting for for a long time. Her hand that was on his neck moves a little higher to just into his hair. "You..." She didn't know how to ask him whose bunk.

[osirian_doctor]

He'd meant it, when he'd told her what he'd wanted to say. When he'd tried to admit his feelings and it had still come out too vague, too uncertain, and she'd had to clarify.

I mean to say.

He'd meant it, and he still means it, he's just never been able to see how to make that happen. But there's something powerful and needy in Kaylee's kiss, in the way she pulls him closer, that says that maybe they don't have to make it happen. His skin feels warm where she touches him, more than warm, charged, and she doesn't seem to know quite what to say.

Rare, for them.

"I ..."

He doesn't know what to say, either. His chest tightens with the fear that maybe, even now, he'll manage to mess this up, but he cradles her face, and he whispers, "yes," before he kisses her again.

[meimeimechanic]

Kaylee did wonder what things could have been if they'd been back on Serenity. Would they have been like this in the engine room or maybe her her bunk. A little more private. Well, as private as you could get when you lived in such close quarters with nine... she corrected herself. Seven, it was only going to be seven of them. Her heart ached. But that wasn't the time to dwell, much as it hurt still.

She can get lost in Simon's kisses and what she's waited so long for. It isn't just about sex, if it were just that then Kaylee wouldn't have been waiting around for Simon. There were plenty of other options available to her. Others on board and where they'd been. It was more that that, this was just something more.

Kaylee kisses him until she has to stop so she can breathe, the stars threatening on the edges of her vision remind her of that. She pulls away again, this time further. Missing the heat and closeness of him. "C'mon." She manages as she licks her lips. Using his shirt to pull him in the direction of his side of their quarters.

[osirian_doctor]

He's not sure when it becomes so heated. What was tentative turns into one had slipped up into her hair and the other dropping from her face to wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. He doesn't mean to kiss her until they're both desperate for air, but it's what happens. It's months, long long months, spent together, knowing what they want but somehow unable to make it happen. It's longing for each other since the very first time they met. It's shared experience and that simmering feeling of wanting between them.

It's knowing that Kaylee is one of the best, brightest, most wonderful people he's ever known, and not having done this would be something he'd regret. Just like he said, in the desperation before battle, so very long ago.

He wants her more than he can say, and when she whispers to him to c'mon, he grins, and for once, he manages not to say anything as she leads him to his bed.